I think the only time during the while day where I really get to think is when I'm laying in my bed trying to sleep. I have no idea why, but I have some crazy thoughts/ideas when I'm on the brink of sleep. I guess it's just because eveything is still. The parents are asleep, my computer is shut off, the world around me is resting yet I'm wide awake. It's just me and my thoughts, nothing more and nothing less. It's beautiful. I wish I could share these late night moments with somebody. I feel like I'm being influenced by my environent too much. I have these moments where I just think, what am I doing with my life? Have these choices that I have made really help my life for the better? I must say, over the years I've done my fair share of stupid acts and I have no idea what was going through my head as I did them and yet it somehow ends up repeating. Another stupid act, another concequence. To be completely honest, I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do for a living. It seems to me everyone around me has their own talent that makes them unique, or at least they have a career in mind that they want to pursue. And me? Nothing. I don't want to be stuck in a cubicle slaving over some average American job. Doesn't sound appealing at all right? People tell me I'm young and that I shouldn't worry, but why not?why can't I plan out my future. As for now it's looking quite blurry.
And clothes. I have no idea what happened. I went from a short pale Asian kid wearing gap hoodies, sweats/ chords with some Nike running shoes to this skinny kid reading about name brand clothing coming out of Japan or updates on the latest trend. Where does this all get me? Where does this information come in to help me in my future at all? Sure some things are more pricy because of the quality and/or limited quantities, but I doubt a fourteen year old really NEEDS to be going around wearing $300 jeans or $80 shirts. Sure, if you have a job and are doing well there's no problem with spending some money on yourself, but as for me, a jobless, lazy, immature kid I really don't need this. Deep down I know that I don't need it, and yet I can't stop myself from wanting it. I guess the saying is true: "You always want what you can't have." and once you get it, sure you'll be happy for a couple weeks, but what about after that? You'll be used to it. You won't appreciate it as much as a person who doesn't have it. It'll become your standard. Anything less will just seem like a cheap knock off. I think my time could be better spent working on homework, or helping out my mom rather than browse fashion forums and social networking sites. Idk. Maybe I'll slowly change, or perhaps I won't. I just hope that when I look back at myself 5 years from now I won't regret the choices that I have made.
Super long rant-ish thing I know, but these are the few moments when I am happy that I've made a blog.
-Alvin
Mobile Blogging from here.
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